Karaoke Forums

Ah, gosh..... the crazy emails I get from people.  LOL

Had to share this one with all you women though:




 LOL

(true???... who knows... maybe)

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

yep had the same email...now if I could find the one I received about shopping for a swimsuit I think you would enjoy it

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

If you do...... post it here, I'd like to read it:)

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

I wondered why Jessica Simpson's legs in those Daisy Dukes looked so familiar. That was TOOOO funny!

OOh, girl, love the Meez!

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[glow=darkorchid]Musica delenit bestiam feram[/glow]

'Tis the Season - Swimsuit Time
I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation
known as buying a bathing costume. When I was a child in the 1950's, the
bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman
with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as
engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a damn good
job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure
chipped from marble. The mature woman has a choice - she can either front up
at the maternity department and try on a floral costume with a skirt, coming
away looking like a hippopotamus escaped from Disney's Fantasia - or she can
wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a
sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluoro rubber
bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and
entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I
noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The
Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch
small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you
manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark
attacks. The reason for this is that a shark taking a swipe at your passing
midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way into the bathing
costume, but as I twanged the shoulder strap into place I gasped in horror -
my bosom had disappeared.
Eventually I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a while
to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The
problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is
meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump.
I re-aligned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full-view
assessment. The bathing costume fitted all right, but unfortunately it only
fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out
rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough
wearing undersize cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
prepubescent salesgirl popped her head through the curtains "Oh,they are
YOU!" she said, admiring the bathers. I replied that I wasn't so sure and
asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that
made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave
the appearance of an oversize napkin in a serviette ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with a ragged frill and came
out looking like Tarzan's Jane on a bad day. I tried a black number with a
midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink
pair with such a high-cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to
wear them.
Finally I found a costume that fit...a two-piece affair with shorts-style
bottoms and a halter top. It was cheap, comfortable and bulge-friendly, so I
bought it. When I got home, I read the label which said 'Material may become
transparent in water", but I'm determined to wear it anyway. I just have to
learn to breaststroke in the sand.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

Haha.... Yeah, wonder who I can blame for the theft of that 21 year old body of mine that I miss so much? I'll have to read People magazine and look at the pics REALLY closely.

Thanks.. on the Meez... I had fun building that one:) Woulda thunk they'd have a banjo?




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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

 Vicki.... I haven't read that one yet. I'm gonna copy n' paste it into an email for my mom & sisters..... it'll have them in stitches.  LMAO

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♥ Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain. Cherish the memories, ignore the pain. Love and learn, forget and forgive. Because you only have one life to live. ♥

When I was a radio dj I actually read that like it had actually happened to me. I had so many phone calls from women in stitches

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

I'm glad I'm not the only one here that goes in the swimming pool wearing a T-shirt feigning "photosensitivity"...  I have Harpoonophobia, which manifests itself as a sudden and acute anxiety of sharp objects impaling your blubber whether you pass water from your blowhole or not !  Those with this anxiety disorder become sensitized as soon as their ankles are covered with water on the pool steps.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

are you sure its not a phobia of being attacked by something similar to a beached whale in a bathing suit? Just what exactly are you trying to say?

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

It's not only women that are self-conscious and vane.  Guys just aren't supposed to admit to this but I figure I might as well... Heck,  why not ?  I know what looks attractive, and what doesn't to women..  So when I go to the pool to get some sun and air, I bring a body-bag and sunlamp and zip myself in to comply with the Town Ordinance.

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

c'mere n let me rub oil in your back Kappy

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"Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... Don't mind...And those that mind... Don't matter."

That's EXACTLY what Ishmael said to Moby Dick before the harpoon chapter.. (replace Kappy with Moby of course for proper contextual purposes)  :shock:


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SHIVER}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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Northeast United States runner up for the "Singing Hall of Shame".

Sadly, it happens to men, too...  I woke up one morning only to find my 6-pack missing.  It had been cleverly replaced by a sagging keg.  Let me tell you, a keg isn't easy to carry around everywhere!